After all these years, I finally bid you adieu!

It took me long enough, didn't it? Be good and wait for me.

You finally did break my heart....

My DOD,

The UPS man arrived a few minutes ago with a small box containing your ashes. Funny, huh...he seemed to more sympathetic than most folks who hoped I'd soon forget about you, even though it's been a short two weeks and a couple of days. So the stranger in the khaki work shirt handed me the box and said "sorry, about your dog. I deliver a lot of these."

Although I had been waiting in the front yard with a sense of uneasiness for that box that signaled your arrival back home, when I opened up the box and put the urn on the table, everything seemed okay. I don't know whether it was the finality of it all, but there seems to be more peace in me now.

How we struggled through the winter, I'll never know. The irony was that I made the decision to release you on the first warm day of March, two days before St. Pat's day. I guess that I knew that the time was coming when you would be too tired and too confused to go on. I was hoping that you would do so on your own volition, but alas, once again I had to make a heart breaking decision.

So much of my life was consumed by caring for you for the last two years. We were both weary, you from living, and me from trying to help you live. Your release signifies a tremendous change in my life as you are the last dog that I'll ever have. Given my age and financial situation, it wouldn't be fair to take another dog into my heart. I've had the companionship of dogs for over 40 years. I think this change is going to be difficult for me.

You should know how terribly I miss and love you and those that have gone before you. At the grocery store I keep looking for things that you might enjoy eating. When I come home from school at night, I hurry up the steps to take you for a walk, but when I open the door there's nothing there. An easy chair occupies the space where your bed was for four years. Your bowls have been put away. Mr. Squeaky survived the winter (he was hiding under a snow bank) and now sits on the small table with your leash, collar and the paw print that they made at hospital.

The back seat of the car now is ready for people. The dog blanket is gone. Your seat belt is still attached and I don't know how to get it loose. Since you left, I don't go for rides in the car anymore. Strange, huh? We used to go almost every day. That was your favorite thing, until just before you left.

Wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge with Sam, Whiskas and Bandit. I'm sure that Sam was happy to see you again.

There have been so many transitions that I'm all out of poetry for this year. I know that you will understand. I do plan to find a nice smooth river stone and have it engraved with your name for a special place under the river birches.

Love,

Sharon

Another transition

Holling has said goodbye to too many friends in the past six months. Bandit passed in his sleep last week after a slow decline from diabetes.

Dear Bandit in the box,

So my dear fat and furry kit, you are finally free of your tired body. I have looked for you in the sky many nights and sent you healing energy, but it seems that the universe had other plans for you.

You are in the company of many of your family members. Say hi to Molly for me. Don't chase Whiskas too much. You know that she doesn't like to be chased. Perhaps you and Sam are roaming around looking for birds and butterflies. My butterfly tree has gone to sleep for the winter, but it will awaken again, as will you, with renewed life lifting your head to soak up the rays of the sun.

I know that you miss Daphne, but don't worry because you'll also be seeing her one day.

It seems like just yesterday that you were a little kitten, running all over the house...so anxious to show Daphne and Cali "the ropes" when they came to live with us. Who would ever guess that Daphne would become the love of your life and keep you safe and happy until you had to leave?

I'll miss you in my heart as I have done for such a long time, but you and I will meet one day too! Until then I'll see you in the stars and in my dreams.

Sleep well my darling.

Love,

Sharon

October brings more events...a stroke and some confusion

I went out of town for a few days and while I was gone DOD seemed to have rediscovered his youth.  His petsitter Colleen said that there was  new spring in his step and it appears that the Proin is finally working as there were no more accidents in his bed.

However I did read the following in one of the online forums and am wondering if Proin has had some side effects.

Two days ago he had difficulty getting up in the morning and when he did he walked around in circles, dragging his right rear leg like it was broken.  Off we went to the vet's office where he was examined by the neurologist who indicated that he had likely had a stroke.

Yesterday morning he has able to walk a straight line and had no more dragging of his hind leg.  The next step is to take a look at what may have possibly caused the stroke.  A blood sample was sent to the lab yesterday to determine whether he has experienced any decline in kidney function as kidney disease can cause a stroke.

As he had an MRI just 3 mths ago, it's highly unlikely that a tumour could have grown on the brain in such short time.

DOD you're breaking my heart, again.  You look wonderful after your bath earlier this week.  Your teeth are clean and shiny and you smell terrific.  But you're not eating much and you're barely moving.  I had to drag you out of bed yesterday.  Dianne says it will take several days for you to get better.  I'm sad that you have finally lost all sight in your right eye.  I'll try to steer you around so you don't fall and walk into doors.  I'm going to make you some turkey soup today.  I know that you'll perk up when you smell one of your favourite treats.

Love,

Sharon

More of the September Song

It seems like Holling's friends are destined to move on without him.  Whiskas and Sam were his best friends.  Of all my cats, they seemed to love him the best.

It was Whiskas who walked with Holling and me every evening just before bed.  Whiskas would come up stairs from her bed and wait by the door as I went to get the leash.  We would then take our stroll around the block with Whiskey keeping pace paw for paw with Holling.  She loved to walk under his chin and rub up against him.  I know that he's going to miss that, as will I.

Sleep Well Whiskas and wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge.

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

I would walk right up to heaven,

And bring you home again,

No farewells were spoken,

No time for goodbye,

You were gone before I knew it,

Only the universe knows why...

Sharon and DOD

The September Song

The past two months with Holling and his geriatric feline companions have been hectic.  Holling is still holding his own with some challenging days and some not-so-challenging days.  Another vet visit provided us with more resources in the form of Chinese herbs.  The ginseng and four-herb complex seem to be perking him up.  We're back up to walking at least a half mile each day to keep DOD's muscles from atrophying.

Unfortunately we lost DOD's favorite kitty at age 16 last week.  Sam had been battling renal failure for the past year.  We know he's enjoying the Rainbow Bridge, where one young friend of ours said that old cats become kittens again.  I like that idea!

Goodbye Sam...

Sleep warm and well

Say "hi" to Molly for us

When tomorrow starts without us,

Don't think that we're far apart

For every time that you think of us,

We're right there, in your heart

Sharon and DOD

The Day by Day thing....

My last post was before DOD's M.R.I. The good news is that the M.R.I. didn't turn up anything definitive. A spinal tap revealed advanced degenerative disease. We're going to come up with a treatment plan in the next few days....one to keep him comfortable and help his cognitive abilities. He's still eating with gusto and walking a bit, albeit at a permanent list. He picked up his ball yesterday!

I came across a poem on the Internet today which I plan to keep by my computer. I know that one day we will part and I think this poem will give me some solace when the time comes.

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad, I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand

For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
Would you want me to suffer? So
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
It is a kindness that you do for me

Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I have been saved
Do not grieve it should be you
Who must decide this thing to do
We've been so close, we two these years
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

~ Author Unknown ~

Holling's person Sharon