After all these years, I finally bid you adieu!

It took me long enough, didn't it? Be good and wait for me.

You finally did break my heart....

My DOD,

The UPS man arrived a few minutes ago with a small box containing your ashes. Funny, huh...he seemed to more sympathetic than most folks who hoped I'd soon forget about you, even though it's been a short two weeks and a couple of days. So the stranger in the khaki work shirt handed me the box and said "sorry, about your dog. I deliver a lot of these."

Although I had been waiting in the front yard with a sense of uneasiness for that box that signaled your arrival back home, when I opened up the box and put the urn on the table, everything seemed okay. I don't know whether it was the finality of it all, but there seems to be more peace in me now.

How we struggled through the winter, I'll never know. The irony was that I made the decision to release you on the first warm day of March, two days before St. Pat's day. I guess that I knew that the time was coming when you would be too tired and too confused to go on. I was hoping that you would do so on your own volition, but alas, once again I had to make a heart breaking decision.

So much of my life was consumed by caring for you for the last two years. We were both weary, you from living, and me from trying to help you live. Your release signifies a tremendous change in my life as you are the last dog that I'll ever have. Given my age and financial situation, it wouldn't be fair to take another dog into my heart. I've had the companionship of dogs for over 40 years. I think this change is going to be difficult for me.

You should know how terribly I miss and love you and those that have gone before you. At the grocery store I keep looking for things that you might enjoy eating. When I come home from school at night, I hurry up the steps to take you for a walk, but when I open the door there's nothing there. An easy chair occupies the space where your bed was for four years. Your bowls have been put away. Mr. Squeaky survived the winter (he was hiding under a snow bank) and now sits on the small table with your leash, collar and the paw print that they made at hospital.

The back seat of the car now is ready for people. The dog blanket is gone. Your seat belt is still attached and I don't know how to get it loose. Since you left, I don't go for rides in the car anymore. Strange, huh? We used to go almost every day. That was your favorite thing, until just before you left.

Wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge with Sam, Whiskas and Bandit. I'm sure that Sam was happy to see you again.

There have been so many transitions that I'm all out of poetry for this year. I know that you will understand. I do plan to find a nice smooth river stone and have it engraved with your name for a special place under the river birches.

Love,

Sharon

Another transition

Holling has said goodbye to too many friends in the past six months. Bandit passed in his sleep last week after a slow decline from diabetes.

Dear Bandit in the box,

So my dear fat and furry kit, you are finally free of your tired body. I have looked for you in the sky many nights and sent you healing energy, but it seems that the universe had other plans for you.

You are in the company of many of your family members. Say hi to Molly for me. Don't chase Whiskas too much. You know that she doesn't like to be chased. Perhaps you and Sam are roaming around looking for birds and butterflies. My butterfly tree has gone to sleep for the winter, but it will awaken again, as will you, with renewed life lifting your head to soak up the rays of the sun.

I know that you miss Daphne, but don't worry because you'll also be seeing her one day.

It seems like just yesterday that you were a little kitten, running all over the house...so anxious to show Daphne and Cali "the ropes" when they came to live with us. Who would ever guess that Daphne would become the love of your life and keep you safe and happy until you had to leave?

I'll miss you in my heart as I have done for such a long time, but you and I will meet one day too! Until then I'll see you in the stars and in my dreams.

Sleep well my darling.

Love,

Sharon

October brings more events...a stroke and some confusion

I went out of town for a few days and while I was gone DOD seemed to have rediscovered his youth.  His petsitter Colleen said that there was  new spring in his step and it appears that the Proin is finally working as there were no more accidents in his bed.

However I did read the following in one of the online forums and am wondering if Proin has had some side effects.

Two days ago he had difficulty getting up in the morning and when he did he walked around in circles, dragging his right rear leg like it was broken.  Off we went to the vet's office where he was examined by the neurologist who indicated that he had likely had a stroke.

Yesterday morning he has able to walk a straight line and had no more dragging of his hind leg.  The next step is to take a look at what may have possibly caused the stroke.  A blood sample was sent to the lab yesterday to determine whether he has experienced any decline in kidney function as kidney disease can cause a stroke.

As he had an MRI just 3 mths ago, it's highly unlikely that a tumour could have grown on the brain in such short time.

DOD you're breaking my heart, again.  You look wonderful after your bath earlier this week.  Your teeth are clean and shiny and you smell terrific.  But you're not eating much and you're barely moving.  I had to drag you out of bed yesterday.  Dianne says it will take several days for you to get better.  I'm sad that you have finally lost all sight in your right eye.  I'll try to steer you around so you don't fall and walk into doors.  I'm going to make you some turkey soup today.  I know that you'll perk up when you smell one of your favourite treats.

Love,

Sharon

More of the September Song

It seems like Holling's friends are destined to move on without him.  Whiskas and Sam were his best friends.  Of all my cats, they seemed to love him the best.

It was Whiskas who walked with Holling and me every evening just before bed.  Whiskas would come up stairs from her bed and wait by the door as I went to get the leash.  We would then take our stroll around the block with Whiskey keeping pace paw for paw with Holling.  She loved to walk under his chin and rub up against him.  I know that he's going to miss that, as will I.

Sleep Well Whiskas and wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge.

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

I would walk right up to heaven,

And bring you home again,

No farewells were spoken,

No time for goodbye,

You were gone before I knew it,

Only the universe knows why...

Sharon and DOD

The September Song

The past two months with Holling and his geriatric feline companions have been hectic.  Holling is still holding his own with some challenging days and some not-so-challenging days.  Another vet visit provided us with more resources in the form of Chinese herbs.  The ginseng and four-herb complex seem to be perking him up.  We're back up to walking at least a half mile each day to keep DOD's muscles from atrophying.

Unfortunately we lost DOD's favorite kitty at age 16 last week.  Sam had been battling renal failure for the past year.  We know he's enjoying the Rainbow Bridge, where one young friend of ours said that old cats become kittens again.  I like that idea!

Goodbye Sam...

Sleep warm and well

Say "hi" to Molly for us

When tomorrow starts without us,

Don't think that we're far apart

For every time that you think of us,

We're right there, in your heart

Sharon and DOD

The Day by Day thing....

My last post was before DOD's M.R.I. The good news is that the M.R.I. didn't turn up anything definitive. A spinal tap revealed advanced degenerative disease. We're going to come up with a treatment plan in the next few days....one to keep him comfortable and help his cognitive abilities. He's still eating with gusto and walking a bit, albeit at a permanent list. He picked up his ball yesterday!

I came across a poem on the Internet today which I plan to keep by my computer. I know that one day we will part and I think this poem will give me some solace when the time comes.

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.
You will be sad, I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand

For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
Would you want me to suffer? So
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
It is a kindness that you do for me

Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I have been saved
Do not grieve it should be you
Who must decide this thing to do
We've been so close, we two these years
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

~ Author Unknown ~

Holling's person Sharon

Today is the day

Well, it seems like it has taken such a long time to set everything up but we're going to get ready in a few minutes to leave for the hospital and the M.R.I.

Part of me is dreading this and yet part of me wants to know what's happening. My DOD has been restless for the past week, no doubt as a result of this unbearable heat and rain forest humidity. There have been several nights when neither of us slept very well, even with air conditioning, but he's breathing easier this morning. I got my good morning tail wag and nose kiss.

Didn't George Bernard Shaw say that no man is an island? I think that the same is true for women. I've been dreading this day and am relieved that a bridge has been built to my island through the support of the members of http://www.gsrne.org/ who will be joining me today.

All this fuss over a dog? Well, yeah....he's my dog and I'm his person. Yes, I love him and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to do so because it doesn't appear that he had much before he graced my life. Like Mo Chuisle did before him, he's taught me a lot about life. And yes, I keep on learning.

Time to go.

Sharon

DOD - you're breaking my heart a bit......

DOD,

You and I are patiently waiting for news of whether you will receive an MRI. Lisa came over last night and mentioned that watching you was like watching her darling before she passed on. I'm glad that you're still game to venture around the block once a day, but I am worried about your front paws and will try some of Molly's boots on you today.

I know it's hot and the humidity is too high for your comfort. I hope that you feel better on your bed in the air conditioned comfort of the bedroom. You seem to be sleeping a lot more than usual. Yesterday you didn't want to arise until almost 9 a.m.

Your appetite is failing. I don't know if it's because of the heat or how you feel physically, but I'm going to cook you a sweet potato, some rice and ground beef. Maybe that will pick you up. You know by now that I am the queen of running around trying to put bandages on things while ignoring the inevitable. So what is the inevitable? I wish that you could talk to me and tell me everything that's on your mind.

Your back legs are weak. The Rimadyl seemed to help for a few days, but you also had an upset stomach so we stopped it. You're still wagging your tail, albeit a bit slower now. Does that mean that everything is still okay with us?

I haven't had my daily "lick on the nose" ....wanna give me just one?.....please?

I'm worried about you, my DOD.

Love,

Sharon

The Update on DOD

Well, here we are some 18mths later. DOD has been tottering around a bit unsteady on his feet and just recently he went down on his front paws. This was a daily occurrence for about a week. Concern about his eyesight and wondering about DM, which afflicts many German Shepherd Dogs, took us to visit his internist on Friday.

While at the internist DOD also had a neurological evaluation. It seems like an MRI is needed to determine whether he has a brain lesion or a disk problem. At this point in life, operations are out of the question, but it would be good to know the path that we will travel together so that I may prepare the provisions we need to take with us.

This is never an easy process for me...the process of wondering when we'll part. Last night I dreamed that we were coming out of the doctor's office and that a car pulled up, a woman opened the door and he jumped right in. Off they sped. Well, DOD can't jump onto or into anything anymore. What happened? Was it my subconscious fears at work? Was it an indication of a swift and painless (for him) departure?

With August coming I do have apprehensions, as historically that seems to be one of the times of the year when many pets leave for the Rainbow Bridge. I simply don't know.....

Sharon - DOD's person

The Journey by Crystal Ward Kent

When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey - a journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet also test your strength and courage If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever,for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.

Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures - jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information. Your pace may be slower - except when heading home to the food dish - but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field. Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details - the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig.

Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows: that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own. Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching summer insects collecting on a screen. (How bizarre they are! How many kinds there are!), or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by.

You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie - with a cat in hot pursuit - all in the name of love. Your house will become muddier and hairier.

You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love - the steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together." Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race.

And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway. If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be - the one they were proud to call beloved friend.

I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go. A pet's time on earth is far too short - especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for awhile, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left.

The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle now gray. Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end.

We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead - young and whole once more. "Godspeed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.

Why do rescue work?

The Starfish... Making a Difference

An old man walked up to a shore littered with thousands of starfish, beached and dying after a storm.

A young man was picking them up and flipping them back into the ocean.

"Why do you bother" the old man scoffed."You're not saving enough to make a difference"

The young man picked up another starfish and sent it spinning back to the water."Made a difference to that one" he said.

DOD - what's happening with you?

Since my return last week, DOD has slowed down. He's still eating, but not with his usual gusto and he's no longer the first one up in the morning. On Monday Susan gave him bath and a massage, which he seemed to enjoy immensely. He even got his toes done!

He doesn't seem to be ill, just lethargic...spending a lot of time sleeping....but ready to go for his car rides.

I'm a bit concerned. Something is amiss. It's almost like he's in a form of "doggy Alzheimers" with the fog that surrounds it. I'm going to call Dianne today to see if she will check him out before I leave for Canada.

I've got to go up to look at possibilities for a new home for our move in June. Part of my rationale is to find a place where we can walk together by a river. DOD loves the Concord River. On our walk Sunday he headed right for the river where we checked out all of the animal tracks on the river bed and scanned the sky for birds. Unfortunately, all of the ducks are still on vacation in warmer climes, so we didn't get to run and chase any ducks.

Ever since my experience with Molly, I tend to get a bit panicky when things aren't perfect. I'm going to call the vet as soon as they open and make an appointment. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is just something minor.

Hello again, DOD

Sunday evening I returned home after 10 days away from DOD. He seemed happy to see me in his DOD way - the tail wagged at 1/4 time. I've got to wonder what he was like in his prime.

DOD seemed to weather well during our time apart. He promptly deposited himself on his bed beside mine and soon was dreaming of whatever DODs dream. The next morning I was awakened by a wet kiss on my nose (which was intended to remind me that it was time for breakfast)so I arose and we fell into our old routine again.

He seems quite content to take our daily walks and chase the ball 6 times before returning to the comfort of his bed. I'm glad to have him sleeping by my feet as I click, click away on the computer keyboard.

It's good to see you again DOD. I told you not to worry when I left because I'd come home to you again....and that's exactly what I did.

Sharon

Wondering about Dear Old Dog's Confusion

I'm not sure what's happening now, whether it's cognitive or caused by the loss of hearing and diminished eyesight, but H has spent a lot of time staring off into space and isn't as focused as he has been in the past. I know that he still hears some things as the squeaky ball seems to continue to have an impact on him.

Maybe it's time to get the Cholodin down out of the cupboard to see if that gets the neurons firing again. Choline the main ingredient in Cholodin, acts as a precursor to neurotransmitters and maybe when the cells start talking to each other regularly H will be able to once again "connect all of the dots."

When I thinking about H today I was reminded that I could qualify as a geriatric home for dogs and cats, as all of them are in advanced age. It must be great to be an old cat, no wrinkles or thinning hair - just a warm place to sleep in the sun, lots of good food and positive strokes. The temperature is going down below 0 tonight. I hope that all cats and dogs have a warm bed to sleep in somewhere out of the cold.

I'm going to give H some cholodin and then tuck him into his bed with his new fleece blanket. Tomorrow maybe he'll be himself again, but if not, that's okay with me. He's earned his senior moments.

Good night H, gray muzzle, broken ear and all........you're still quite a charmer, and you've got my number!

Sharon

Sometimes being older has a challenge or two.....

A hard bark life - By Ben Aaronson Thursday, December 28, 2006 - Updated: 05:00 AM EST

At 12 going on 13, Holling Holdner is beginning to show his age. Much of his once dark hair has faded to gray. Eating has become a chore as he is missing several front teeth and part of his tongue. And with his hearing all but gone and his eyesight going, he must rely on his keen sense of smell to get around. While 12 may seem young by human standards, for most dogs it is the start of the “golden years.”

Retrieved online 12/28/06 Bedford Minuteman

I recently contacted our local newspaper to see if there might be room for a human (dog) interest story in the weekly publication. I did it for two reasons. If you read the accounts of H's life for the past few years (Life According to Holling and Mo Chuisle Molly ) you have an idea of what H went through before the dedicated and compassionate folks at German Shepherd Rescue New England took him under their wing(s).

It appears that H had been left to his own devices for a long time and had miraculously survived the perils of the streets. I am amazed by the gentleness and devotion of this special guy. There's no doubt that despite his trials and tribulations, he still has a lot of heart.

One thing that has troubled me for a long time is the number of challenges that we face when trying to take a peaceful walk. Dogs need to go for their daily walks with their pack. It's part of normal canine behavior. Although H and I are only a pack of two, he looks forward to our daily strolls. We do the best that we can by crossing streets and going behind bushes when I see other dogs approaching, but sometimes the dogs - in packs, come rushing at us from unexpected places.

It's gotten to the point that when H sees a strange shape that rushes at him, he becomes stressed out. Since his eyesight is considerably diminished, he's not always able to determine whether these shapes are other dogs or not. We've been working on desensitizing him, but it seems that every time we make some progress, there is a setback which is prompted by a rush from some canines looking for playmates.

So, dear reader, do know that H and I really do love dogs! We're just not in a position to play with you. If you see us in the field (conservation area) or walking down the street, please extend the "paw of empathy" and put your dog on a leash. Our friends who have smaller dogs tell us that they would appreciate the same consideration. Thanks so much.

Please take a minute and surf on out to read about the work that GSRNE does on behalf of those who can't fend for themselves. While you're there, take a look at the pictures of all the beautiful pets that have found homes this year. Please consider providing foster care for those who are waiting for their forever homes.

Sharon

The Secret Santa(s) came early Christmas morning

I was surprised to find the red flag up on my mailbox early Christmas morning as H and I started out for our leisurely morning stroll. When we returned home I opened the mail box to find a special Christmas present from two dog lovers and friends of ours, Dao and Jack.

Angel Dogs is a quick and delightful read! I've always believed that animals are among our best teachers and the stories in this book serve to reaffirm that belief. H must have shared my thoughts as he contentedly slept by my chair while I read through parts of the book yesterday. Occasionally he would awaken briefly and glance at me with his wise German Shepherd Dog gaze.

The connection between animals and their people is unique. Ever since I was a tiny child I have had a deep love of and respect for four legged-furries. In my case, there's been a connection with the furries that spans over half of a century. The bonus for me has been the terrific people that I've met through our shared love of animals. It's been my experience that "animal people" are usually pretty decent folks!

The authors, Allen and Linda Anderson maintain a website full of interesting stories and links. They've also written a new book about animals in disasters like hurricane Katrina.

Introduction to my "new" old dog

This old dog has a large piece of my heart. He's my dog and I'm his person.

If you'd like to know about how he came into my life, you can read his story on the following blogs:

Holling

Molly

We've been hanging around together for the past year and he finally decided that he likes it enough to stay with me forever.

As his eyesight becomes dimmer, his hearing faint and his gait hesitant, I find myself reflecting on our year together and looking forward to the next year.

We've enjoyed some adventures and it's time that I started to journal them so that we don't lose the meaning of each moment.

Sharon